That’s a quote from the Hapsburgs in regards to the Russians in the aftermath of the Crimean War. How very sweeping and epic. I wonder however, if the quote doesn’t contain an ignorance in regards to understanding of humanity. Specifically that third word, “astonish.”
Are any of us really truly astonished when someone isn’t grateful “enough”? Is there anything really more subjective than gratitude? If you’re showing it, you will always think you are showing too much. And if you’re receiving it, it’s never really enough for us, is it?
Every culture has dozens, in some cases even hundreds of rules in regards about how to properly give and receive gratitudes of all types. Yet no matter how well versed you are, it is always an awkward, uncomfortable experience. Custom demands we supersede every other desire to expunge this debt, but doesn’t it always end with both parties feeling like the role has been simply…reversed? Have you ever shown gratitude and thought, “Well, that was just the right amount of gratitude to show. I can walk away without a second thought.”
It seems like the moment you reach self-awareness you are forced to walk this awful path of debit and credit. Gratitude, thankfulness, love, retribution, revenge, vendetta. What are these but creating and erasing marks on the chalkboard that sits in the back of your head?
And the best part? You can never ever break free. You can say a debt has been wiped clean, but it’s simply been transferred. Again and again and again all the way up to the moment when someone who loves you is swiping the magnetic strip for your casket.
For some reason as I write this, the word transcend keeps occurring to me. Like the Cycle of Suffering in Buddhism, TRANSCEND that cycle of give and return. It sounds lovely. But like the quote above, has one fallacy. The assumption there is a place to transcend to.
I’ve spoken on the radio, in bars, hell on the street about this whole “neo-gonzo” thing. Hunter S. Thompson said that the ultimate fallacy of the 60’s was the belief that someone was tending the light at the end of the tunnel. At this point he scraped at something incredible. However, he quickly returned to the temporal, of politics and law.
It’s time to take gonzo to the point he only hinted at. To explore the madness of soul and spirit. This kind of gonzo will turn its back on the light at the end of the tunnel, and see what lays in the dark. It will turn it’s back on spiritual transcendence and escape. This kind of thought will leap headfirst into the gutter of the heart, and drag you with it.
We can turn our tvs on, and with a mere high school education fully understand the madness that surrounds us. I think it’s time we start confronting the madness inside us.
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